Wednesday, January 27, 2010


And now in contrast to my good day of shopping and flying too close to the sun, here is a day that has just been bad upon bad. I didn't have to be anywhere until 4:00 today, so I didn't set my alarm. But I was startled awake at 11:30 after about eight hours of sleep by a loud phonecall which I let go to voicemail. Stayed in bed for an hour getting up the strength to get up. Brushed my teeth, took a carafate (day 7 of those, and they were supposed to start helping gastro symptoms in 5-7 days) and waited 20 minutes before I took my other medicines. I restarted my Protease enzymes which finally came in the mail. Took a shower and waited an hour before eating. Felt a little nauseous so instead of my usual thermos cooked cereal for breakfast, I thought I'd have the goat kefir. I remember kefir once helping me with nausea, though I don't remember which kind of kefir it was. I was also under the impression that since it was fermented it would be easy to digest.

It was not easy to digest. Terrible nausea and the next two hours spent on the bathroom floor waiting to throw up. Also lots of eructations that provided a little bit of relief with each one but it still kept getting worse. I can't believe I am writing about burping. Oh well, it's important to the plot. To make things worse this is the one day a week where I actually have a social obligation that isn't with a friend or a doctor. Since October I've been volunteering one hour a week as a tutor. This all was making me think back to 2008 when I was starting class again and my nausea first started, it never lead to vomiting though. It was just like a horrible, painful little storm in my stomach. I remembered crying in the car on the way to class it hurt so much.

I was hoping I'd be feeling well enough today by 3:30 so I wouldn't have to cancel on my student. And I was feeling a little better, but I was worried if I didn't eat something I'd be too weak to get through the session or even drive myself home after. I thought I would be safe just drinking one cup of vegetable broth. No calories, but at least it had nutrients and it would have to be easy to digest.

Drinking it made me a little late. When I walked downstairs and got outside it was a little colder than I thought, but I wasn't willing to walk back up the stairs to get a jacket. I got in my car, started the engine, opened the car door again and threw up broth on the drive way. How am I so sick that I can't even hold down a little broth? I debated whether I should cancel and just go back up to rest, but throwing up made me feel better so I decided to just go. After I'd been driving a few minutes I called my tutee (a word I feel funny using but I'd feel even funnier posting her name or making one up) to tell her I was running late. She gave the phone to her mom who said, "Oh didn't she tell you? We're on our way to the social worker. She was supposed to reschedule with you for tomorrow." I have doctors appointments for tomorrow, so it looks like we're skipping this week.

In my car and nowhere to go, I ended up around the corner at Nature Mart where I bought a small celery/beet juice with ginger and a gallon of distilled water. Normally Jim buy's all my water because it's too heavy for me to carry up the stairs*, but I wasn't worried because I planned on dumping half of it out on the drive way to wash away the vomit. It seemed a little wasteful, but if I wanted tap water I'd have to go up and down the stairs. And I have no idea how to access the hose and didn't feel like calling my landlord to ask. Anyway, water is water. The juice was my last attempt to get some nutrients in my body, and the ginger might help with the nausea.

Anyway, I'm getting scared that I'm not going to be able to eat anything. I can't lose anymore weight. Every day the scale reads a little less. I want it to start reading more. It's way too low already. I called my gastroenterologist, left a message, but I don't think he has any idea what is going on. I wrote an e-mail to Dr. Cheney's assistant. Probably won't hear from them until Monday. In the mean time on I'm on my own. Actually it seems like I'm always on my own.

I really didn't think my first two blog posts would be about throwing up. I hope this all gets resolved soon and I can start eating again. Not being able to eat is getting scary. I'm too exhausted to attempt to eat now but maybe in a few hours I'll try having a little rice.

*I try to only drink distilled water. Apparently it's the purest but it also tastes best. All the water hauling has penetrated Jim's subconscious, "I had a dream that you got a divining rod, and you said, 'From now on I only drink water straight from the ground!'

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